I’ve written over 40 books including cookbooks, sci-fi adventures, and theological treatise aimed to help people think godly thoughts. The origin of the book featured today was my son having his first baby, a little girl (of course she was little she was just born – see how much I know about parenting?)
My son’s request was that the next book I write should be advice about being a father. I had obviously fooled him into thinking I knew what I was doing. Father’s Day was something that had been around his whole life. But you may not realize it does not have a long history. It was only established as a National Holiday in 1972. I had been around since the 1960’s.
I knew in reality I had to look to a source other than myself for timeless guidance – of course I choose the Bible. The Bible is rife with stories of fathers and sons.
- Adam had sons Cain, Able, and Seth
- Noah had sons Shem, Ham, and Japheth
- Abraham had Issac
- Saul had Jonathan
- David had Absolom
Of course, for an idyllic example I might not choose any of these families as an ideal model. Abraham was told by God to kill is son. (At least that’s Abraham’s side of the story. Any Dad of a teenager might find this a tempting excuse.) In the case of Saul, he too tries to kill his son Jonathan. Only this time, he is not urged by God but by his own dark influences.
The sons in these stories were not always role models either. As you will recall, one of Adam’s sons killed the other. Noah’s son Ham made fun of his dad for getting drunk. Absolom rebelled against his father David and tried to take his throne. (That sounds like a believable story involving a teenager.)
I guess I was going to have a harder time coming up with Biblical guidance than I’d thought. What gave me inspiration was reflecting upon was how I’d changed as a grandfather rather than how I was as a father. My perspective on raising children had mellowed – like caramelized onions, no longer bitter and acidic but sweet and tender (you didn’t think I could work Grandma’s recipes into this message, did you?)
This was to be the focus of the book, an attempt to give my son and all fathers perspective on their current role while keeping in mind they will one day transition from this role into a grandfather.
Key to doing so was to see their role of father as one of an entrusted steward, not an entitled god. For both the father and grandfather, I based my advice on two core Christian values; the fruits of the spirit (as enumerated in Galatians 5:22), and the ten commandments, focusing specifically on these passages:
For the father the key components were Foundational Love, Model Honoring God and Family, and Discipline with Grace. I exhort fathers to love like Christ who, quoting Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 5 which says “to walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
I turned to the OT, Exodus 20, for the classic commandment “Honor your mother and father”. An excerpt from my book reads “This commandment underscores the foundational importance of honor within the family, serving as a blueprint for fathers to instill values of respect and reverence in their children. Your family is your first and closest neighbor. If you are to “love your neighbor as yourself”, you learn this by how your parents loved you and how you loved your parents.”
Finally on discipline I quote “whoever spare the rod hates their children”. (Apparently, my mom really loved me as her enforcement of choice was a wooden spoon.) I implore readers to discipline only out of love, making the analogy that a leash on a dog shows you love it enough to not let it run into traffic. Doesn’t teaching your children limits on their behavior show you value them far more?
Each section ends with a prayer written to my readers such as “May your discipline be rooted in love, your correction be infused with grace, and your heart be open to the transformative power of forgiveness and restoration.”
For the grandfathers, I delve into the points of Cultivating Joyful relationships, Fostering Unconditional Love, and providing Encouragement and Wisdom (along with handfuls of M&M’s – but only the brown ones, stay away from the red ones.)
Each section includes scriptural references and specific prayers to help guide learners. I tried to make it a practical guide by including age specific scenarios and recommendations on how to respond in each circumstance. It concludes with an acknowledgment that the Bible captures the greatest relationship with a father the world has ever seen.
I invite you to read it for yourself. Here is a link.
The sermon I presented on Father’s Day 2025, discusses The Book of Esther. This tells the remarkable story of a young Jewish woman who rises from obscurity to become queen of Persia and ultimately the instrument of deliverance for her people. She is guided by her older cousin who adopted her into his family. He became her “spiritual father”.
So, what is a Spiritual Father? I define it as one who empowers, protects, and releases others into courageous obedience to God. Have you enjoyed the blessing of having a spiritual father? Who first told you there was a God? Who taught you to pray? Who told you the truth about God, not what they heard, but that which you can only learn by directly reading His word?
You are a steward of these commandments and truths, accountable to see that not only you follow them, and that they are passed along. Not just to those younger than you, but to those less familiar with the truth of God. They might even be chronologically older than you.
Not all of us are biological orphans like Esther, but many of us may not have had, and we desperately need, a spiritual parent. Mordecai raised Esther with both spiritual and cultural grounding, even in exile. Her poise and convictions reflect the results of his mentoring.
You cannot simply desire that you on day have a beautiful garden, you must plant, fertilize, weed, and otherwise care for the ground. Think of your kids and grand kids heading off to college and into the world. I pray the spiritual voice of God’s truth will remain in their heads to insulate them from the evils and harms of this world. But that voice has to get in there in the first place. You must proclaim the good news to your spiritual child and put that voice in there.
Of course, the truest and highest example of spiritual father and son is found in the eternal relationship between God the Father and Jesus the Son. Unlike earthly relationships, theirs is marked by perfect love, unity, and mutual honor from eternity past. Jesus says in John 17:24 – “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.”
Do you know who else God loved before the foundation of the world was formed? You!
Human father-son, mother-daughter, child-parent relationships are fragile and flawed, but in the love detailed in the bible between the Father and the Son, we see the pure, eternal model we are invited, if not commanded, to reflect—both in our families, in the body of Christ, and to the world. Happy (spiritual) Father’s Day!